So, you’re getting married and there are more than a few things to look forward to when it comes to the wedding. The registry, the place settings, the guest list and of course choosing your fateful bridesmaids. This vital gown wearing team will be your lifeline when you become a raging bridezilla. They’ll get the strippers you said you didn’t want at your bachelorette party and they will attend your fittings in their finest Spanx offering you moral support (even when they are feel insecure). The people you choose need to have your back, they need to be present and they need to throw down a decent amount of cash on their dresses and accessories, not to mention the wedding gift.

After you’ve chosen your team, you feel a sense of relief, a sense of confidence that these friends are the ride or die sect of your extended family. You couldn’t imagine anyone else in your wedding court, the photos will be perfect, everything is working out great… That is until you realize, you have that friend… that friend who is close but not your closest, she was absolutely positively sure she was going to be selected, so much so, that she didn’t even ask. As she was waiting for her phone to ring, that special email to come through or maybe some fancy keepsake in the mail, it never came. While you and your team of bridesmaids are posting mimosa pics of your celebration brunch on Facebook, she is wishing for a dislike button.

The question is: How do you tell a friend she is NOT a bridesmaid?

Heart To Heart

The first step is to rationalize how you really feel. There were a limited number of spaces and certain players had a lock. You have to make it clear that it’s not that you feel any less close to her, it’s just that certain people expressed a lot of interest in joining the wedding court and she never did. You thought being an attendee would be a relief. Who wants to be a bridesmaid anyway?

Radio Silence

Who is she to demand an explanation? You chose your selected people for your own personal reasons. This is YOUR wedding, why it’s suddenly all about her? The truth is, you don’t owe anyone anything and putting her through the awkward convo may even make things worse. Let it blow over, eventually, after she gets married and leaves you in the dust, it probably will!

Blame Your Family

Let’s face it, if you have any female relatives that you have included, they make the perfect scapegoat. Whether it’s your sister, niece or third cousin once removed, you were obligated to put them up there and they ultimately took her spot. You would have LOVED to have included her, but there simply wasn’t room after your fam pushed you into making an in house offer.

Telling someone they aren’t a bridesmaid will always be an awkward conversation, no matter how hard you prep. But it’s just another TO DO on the getting married list. And hey, at least you get a wedding out of it!


Derrick Perrin owner of Big Box Pro Wedding Video. I love to hike and camp. I'm also a big fan of woodworking and running.